Listening to - 菊花台（杰倫鋼琴演奏版）
I really don't know or even would able to find answer for me to know. Loving a person for me would be a crime it seems. When money, ego and barriers comes in way. How could I ever not hate myself, I've even hated myself for not understanding you, the way you look, move, and talk, or even write...I've once hated myself so much that I wish I could really read what you write from your heart and mind, regardless of other crippled side in me. Even if I start to count what's missing in me and being pessimistic, I couldn't stop, but even at the single most easiest thing I would do, is to want to understand what you wrote, I cant...I felt helpless.
I still remembered the first time I saw you, talked to you and memerized by all of you, it's not only your beauty from the outside that everyone sees, but it's the inside, your laughter, smile and the way you talk. Back in Klang on January, i was suprised, and of course out of everyone's suprises, was invited to your party. It was really like in drama, as i stepped inside between a door that I don't know if I could ever pass, and that gift...never realized that if I ever did chose the thing you like. I guess I'm just being myself. I hold on, and I hope you're happy as well.
Since then, I've not sure anymore where I stood at, in between me there's two voice I hear, to go on and to turn back at all. As there's so many times and answers I couldn't give at all to promise a good future. Perhaps I guess it's just me.
Well, afterall, if I've never hear anything back from you, it's either I'm just imagining all these times, as Chinese say, zhi lien, an unrequited love. Stupid is me. But afterall I guess the problem's me as well, I care too much about how I think and other think? Right? I guess the link between us would ever only connected in the fantasy world, probably not this life. If you're happy, I'm happy. That's said.
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